


and you want to travel with him (and you want to travel blind)

by gayshrug



Series: prompt fills [4]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marking, Pining, Prompt Fill, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayshrug/pseuds/gayshrug
Summary: Prompt: "Carlos goes undercover and TK worries about him."Or: TK is a connoisseur of hickeys and Carlos needs a memento.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: prompt fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165997
Comments: 14
Kudos: 201





	and you want to travel with him (and you want to travel blind)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lire_Casander](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/gifts).



> hello, folks! i'm back with yet another prompt fill, this time for @lire-casander on tumblr/ao3.  
> thank you so, so much for sending this in <3
> 
> the title is from "suzanne" by leonard cohen.

No. _No_.

“Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

TK was pacing around their kitchen table, unable to keep the nerves out of his voice. He knew Carlos was great at his job, respected by his colleagues and superiors, but he’d never considered the possibility of _this_ happening. Not even when Carlos had recently started to grow out his stubble – hot, exciting for TK’s thighs, but ultimately pretty suspicious.

“Yeah, baby.” How Carlos could stay so calm, he didn’t know. TK forced himself to come to a halt and pulled out the chair next to Carlos, plopping down on it with a sigh. He placed one of Carlos’s hands in his lap, helpless not to, and began to play with his fingers, stroking over his knuckles in an erratic rhythm. “Okay. You… seem fine. Why do you seem fine?”

When he looked up, a warm, patient gaze meeting his own, his heart rate seemed to get the memo – _slow down, stop making this about yourself, listen._

“I know it’s not regular plainclothes business, but I promise it’s not gonna be as dramatic an operation as you think it is. I can’t tell you about the specifics but… I don’t think I’ll be gone for long. A few weeks, maybe. My superior officers sounded pretty confident when they filled me in.”

TK’s head was spinning, regardless of how unbothered Carlos appeared to be. Sure, it might not be months until he’d see him again, but – despite their irregular schedules, they’d always managed to make time for each other. Never gone more than a few days without at least checking in.

“So, does that mean I won’t be able to call you? Where are you going to be staying? What if I run into you in town? Do your parents-“

Carlos pulled him close, then; cupped the back of his head and breathed in tandem with him – trying to stop his impending hyperventilation in its tracks.

“Shhh, Tyler. You know I can’t – I won’t have my phone with me. They’ve got me set up with an apartment and a new ID for the duration of it. The whole drill. But it’ll be _fine_. It’s no mob bust, I can tell you that much.”

TK still wasn’t okay with it, not by any stretch of the imagination, but Carlos’s reassurances worked their magic like they did most of the time. He managed to get out of his own head long enough to look up and finally _see_ Carlos – the concern in his eyes, the worried lines around his mouth. How clammy his forehead was.

“I’m sorry, babe, I know it’s gonna be hard on you”, TK whispered. “I just – I worry about you enough as it is. When you’re on regular duty. This time, I won’t even know if anything goes wrong and I – “ He had to swallow down the lump in his throat, voice quivering. “I just – love you. Not being there for you if you need me is gonna fucking suck.”

Carlos snorted a bit at that, leaning his forehead against TK’s with his eyes closed. “It _is_ gonna suck. But we’ll make the best of it. I’ll do my thing and hopefully do something good for the community and you’ll get some time away from me to, like, play through the entirety of Hades or something. Finally get Thanatos to love you back, without having me in your ear constantly, telling you you’re cheating on me with a fictional character.”

God, TK fucking _loved_ him. Before Carlos could make him cry for real, TK shut him up with a kiss, making it last. Biting at his bottom lop, messing up his own face with the scratch of Carlos’s beard whenever he went back in.

Out of breath and starry-eyed, Carlos somehow managed to pull back and cup TK’s face in his hands. “It’ll be over before you know it, okay? I’ll leave all my stuff here, my aftershave and shirts and – you can do whatever you want with them. If it’s all used up and worn out once I’m back, I’ll be happy.”

TK turned his face to kiss his boyfriend’s pulse point, resting his mouth there for a moment. “Will do. Can I give you a massive hickey before you go? To remember me by?”

“I could never forget you, Tyler. But _yes_. Please.”

❦

Staying true to his promise, TK had set an alarm for himself that preceded Carlos’s by half an hour, simply to give himself enough time to plant about a dozen hickeys all over Carlos’s stomach and thighs. Mean, biting ones that would stay for a few days, at the least. Each one made urgency pool in his stomach, the taste of Carlos’s skin and his little moans something he didn’t ever want to give up.

Satisfied with the pretty map of bruises he’d left, TK used the remaining time to suck Carlos off so thoroughly that he ended up ripping the cover off the bed with his clenched fists, accidentally wrapping them both in a cocoon of fabric. As TK slowly kissed up Carlos’s chest, the taste of his come still clinging to his tongue, his giggles subsided – and the twinge of sadness beneath his ribs grew stronger.

 _Snap out of it_ , he told himself. He wanted Carlos to leave their home on a high, not feeling guilty.

He felt desperate as he rubbed off against him, moving over the marks on Carlos’s thighs, his spent cock, the stickiness left on his abdomen. TK mouthed his moans into Carlos’s neck, trying his hardest not to bite down as he came. Failing, a bit.

TK forced himself to stay in bed and not follow Carlos’s every move like a yapping puppy after they’d composed themselves, even though he wanted to. He had a feeling that watching Carlos leave through the front door would crush him for the remainder of the day, if not longer, so he just. Stayed put. Watched Carlos clean himself up and get dressed from beneath lidded eyes while under the covers, blushing at the sight of the marks he’d left. Made happy sounds as Carlos kissed his forehead and cheeks in between picking up his gear. Moaned into the proper goodbye-kiss that came eventually, wanting to cling but managing not to – just barely.

He did yell that he loved him as soon as Carlos stepped outside of the bedroom, though, his stomach swooping when Carlos returned the sentiment and ran back inside for another kiss. They were insatiable on a good day and the uncertainty of when they’d get to experience this again – well.

Carlos ended up leaving the house twenty minutes later than he’d planned to.

❦

Saying that TK was moody would’ve been a bit of an understatement. He made it his mission to piss _everybody_ off, the first few days Carlos was gone.

Judd had to put him into a proper headlock for the first time in ages after TK had bugged him all day, running circles around him, disobeying requests and direct orders – even falling back into his habit of making fun of Texans although he was practically engaged to one himself. _A menace_ , Judd had called him, and he hadn’t exactly been wrong.

When Marjan had straight-up asked him whether Carlos had finally dumped him, after a week of non-stop self-pity and recklessness, he’d finally snapped out of it. She’d picked up on Carlos’s absence during calls, lunch, and after-work activities too quickly for his liking.

He hadn’t exactly been at liberty to tell anyone the truth, though, so he’d blamed his behavior on nightmares and general anxiety. Told them Carlos was helping another jurisdiction and doing a lot of overtime. When Mateo had chimed in with advice, very understanding and wanting to help, TK had felt like _shit_. Lying for fun was one thing – actually trying to keep up a façade for the sake of an undercover investigation was a different matter.

He didn’t want to imagine how much worse Carlos was doing, having to juggle an entirely new identity and occupation.

 _Carlos_.

Yeah. TK wasn’t taking the separation very well.

❦

While TK did manage to get his mood swings in check after a little while, his habit of dramatically crossing days off the kitchen calendar didn’t subside.

Eight days.

Twelve days.

_Seventeen days._

He did what Carlos would want him to do – he kept himself fed, worked out with Paul and Mateo on a regular basis, completed multiple successful Hades runs, and even went so far as to steal Buttercup from the station a few afternoons in a row. TK felt like he needed an excuse to do anything at all, really, the dog’s health as good an argument as any to go for a walk and leave the emptiness of their home.

It felt a lot like depression, in a way. Carlos’s missing presence in the house kind of removed the warmth and shine from it. Where TK would usually sigh with contentment after coming home, ready to cuddle up to Carlos and enjoy a shared meal, a heady shower, now he just threw his keys onto the kitchen table and stood around for a while, feeling useless.

TK didn’t know when this feeling of codependency had started to set in, but he really did feel like a fragment of a person, with Carlos gone.

That wasn’t the worst of it, though. Living through his days on autopilot sucked when compared to how generally happy he was any other time nowadays, sure, but it didn’t measure up to his most pressing fears in the slightest.

He’d forced himself not to stray too far from the station and their house, not wanting to run into Carlos and accidentally blow his cover or something, but it left him feeling claustrophobic. Confronted with his thoughts.

Running circles in his own mind, worrying that Carlos could be in real trouble, making pretend-dealings with shady people, making _friends_ with people he might have to betray later on. He knew what Carlos was like. He _knew_ his superiors must’ve picked him not only because he was good at his job, but also because he was so open and kind – a potential confidant to anyone who spent more than a few minutes with him.

 _Not a mob bust, not a mob bust_ , TK kept repeating in his head, once again pacing. Were there narcotics involved? Illegal firearms? Political extremists? Sure, TK had seen his fair share of crazy situations in his line of work, but he had no actual perception of the scope of Austin’s criminal underbelly.

Carlos had told him about many emotionally and physically draining calls over their time together, yes, and he knew that Carlos was trained in a variety of fields, qualified and capable, but he couldn’t help but wonder.

_What if it’s not enough? What if he doesn’t have backup? Does he even have a partner? Could he be working with criminal informants? What if they set him up?_

TK’s chest felt like it was about a second away from caving in, like it did at least a handful of times each day since Carlos had left.

Rather than succumbing to it and throwing the entire day into the gutter again, TK straightened out his back and breathed in and out. One-two, one-two, one-two.

He pulled out his phone and texted Carlos, a habit he’d picked up to avoid actually talking to himself out loud. A welcome distraction. He knew Carlos wouldn’t be able to see his messages until he was back for good, phone stored in his locker at the station, but it _felt_ like it helped so TK kept doing it.

**i miss you**

**buttercup jumped onto your side of the bed and i didn’t stop him, do you hate me now?**

**i got thanatos to hook up with me so now i’m mr. death approaches <3 **

**think of me if you have time to get off**

**i missed you again today**

Pocketing his phone felt a bit like abandoning Carlos every time, ending their conversation for the day even though it was, in essence, a monologue. So, TK kept the chat open. Cleaned up the kitchen and tapped the screen every time it threatened to fade to black.

Glanced at Carlos’s display picture a few times, smiling to himself as he remembered where they’d taken it – a horseback ride with Judd and Grace, all of them wearing silly cowboy hats and grinning from ear to ear. _Fuck_. He’d do just about anything to relive that now, to hold Carlos’s hand again and tease him about his riding skills as their friends laugh in the background.

He almost knocked the phone off the counter when it buzzed with an incoming message.

**Won’t have to miss me for long, stud**

Holy shit.

TK’s hand shook as he picked up his phone again and scrolled through the chat log, double-checking where the message had come from. Reading the text again and again, pulse hammering in his temples.

Before he could type out a reply, his thumb stuck on the **w** , he heard the faint sound of a key turning in the door lock.

His eyes snapped up, mouth dry.

When Carlos stepped inside, looking sheepish and a bit rugged, TK started sprinting. He was in Carlos’s arms before his boyfriend could say anything or even drop his duffle bag, supporting TK’s weight with one arm and wheezing at the impact.

“Someone’s excited”, Carlos laughed as he slowly let TK back down, hand dragging across his back and riding up his shirt. Instead of answering, TK nuzzled his face into Carlos’s beard, his neck, and breathed him in. He smelled different, muted, the traces of their home only noticeable in the hoodie he was wearing – a soft, rosé one TK had pressed into his arms months ago, to put on whenever he left the station and needed tiding over.

“You don’t even know.“, TK finally managed to say, squeezing Carlos as tightly as he could – trying to mix their scents together again. The marks from his mouth had most definitely faded over the weeks they’d been apart, so TK was trying his hand at claiming his territory in a different way this time. TK wanted to drown in him.

“Thought about you all the time”, he admitted, sheepishly burying his face in Carlos’s shoulder. When one of Carlos’s hands came up to rest at his neck, massaging the tension away, TK let his own fingers wander and slip underneath the hoodie. Getting closer to the warmth of Carlos’s skin.

“You’re losing ass privileges for a month if you tell anyone, but I got a picture of you printed at the station before I left for the job.” TK’s head snapped up so quickly he made himself dizzy, eyes catching on Carlos’s shy smile. “You _what_? Are you serious?”

With a small nod, Carlos reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a creased piece of paper, no bigger than 3 x 4 if TK had to guess. On it was his own face, nose sunburnt and eyes twinkling where he’d been looking at Carlos through the lens. The photo paper was stained with fingerprints, worn at the edges.

“You absolute sap, oh my god.” Then, shuffling his feet, he made his own admission. “Is what I _would_ say if I hadn’t watched our Georgetown videos every night before bed. God, I fucking missed you.”

TK wondered whether he’d ever felt better as Carlos grabbed him by the chin and kissed him quiet, kicked the duffle to the side and pushed him towards the stairs. His heart pounded against his ribcage as he took Carlos’s hand and led him up the steps.

He made a mental note to debrief later, get as much information out of Carlos as he was comfortable with. Tell him he’d missed him a couple – hundred – more times.

Seek out the spots where his hickeys had faded and replace them with new ones. 

**Author's Note:**

> writing this felt a lot like a train of consciousness spilling into microsoft word, but i hope you enjoy it regardless!  
> a small part of me is wondering whether i should write an addition from carlos's perspective to fill in the gaps and get into the actual undercover portion of it all but then again... i doubt anyone would be interested? though i keep thinking about it so. maybe. 
> 
> i'd be happy about any kudos or comments you'd like to throw my way, as always <3
> 
> you can find me @gayshrug on tumblr as well as twitter. don't be a stranger!


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